Warning: Dangerous Content Charles Eisenstein 31 Aug 2023
On today’s menu, we will be offering low-carb Shitaki scones smothered in cave-aged rutabaga foam, Oxnard Pumpkin Stroganoff with Sauteed Scallop Pudding, and Bermuda Triangle Goat Pilaf topped with a stewed tangerine and goji berry melange and dry-roasted Chèvre Sauce.
Actually I got totally sidetracked there. What I was going to say was something like, “a compote of indignation and incredulity with a double glaze of irony.” But then I figured, before I write a sentence that pretentious, I’d better say something else.
💥Sun Tzu: Now Streaming Live From the Truman Show💥
So – today in our ongoing cosmic soap opera – Donald J. Trump, Zelensky, the EU, Putin, Belarus, Melania, and approximately 1300 prisoners all entered a bar… or rather, a trilateral meeting that sounds suspiciously like a peace deal and/or a dress rehearsal for the galactic RV switch-flip.
Let’s decode the headlines like civilized frequency surfer, shall we?
🔥 Diplomacy, Trump-Style
Trump says resolution is coming on almost everything (which in diplomatic terms means “everything except whether Zelensky will ever iron his T-shirt”).
In the middle of chatting with EU leaders, Trump casually calls Vladimir Putin – as one normally does in the world’s strangest meeting.
A trilateral meeting between Trump, Putin, and Zelenskyy is in the works – translation: expect fireworks and possibly vodka.
Trump thanks Belarus and hints at the release of 1300 prisoners. (Hint: BELA = Melania = Children. Because of course it does. Don’t ask how. Just nod wisely.)
Security guarantees for Ukraine backed by the EU and U.S. (Sun Tzu would approve, provided he got front-row seats).
And the optics? Oh, the optics. Trump insists on hugging Zelensky in public so CNN doesn’t scream “Putin’s favorite.” It’s Sun Tzu meets America’s Next Top Model. 😉
🔥 Meanwhile in Iraqi Dinar Wonderland…
Everyone waiting for the RV has finally realized: it’s not in Baghdad’s hands, not in the IMF’s hands, not even in Gandalf’s hands. It’s in the Alliance’s hands. Which means:
✅ It all flips simultaneously.
✅ Not a second sooner.
✅ Until then, please enjoy the regularly scheduled “oil crisis” distractions.
It’s basically the world’s longest pre-show before the DJ actually hits play.
🔥 Military & Security Brewing…
National Guard troops are being deputized.
Deputized means: arrest you, serve you, enforce on you. (Think less “weekend warriors,” more “Judge Dredd with a badge upgrade.”)
🔥 VK’s Gematria, Because Numbers Don’t Lie
▫️ Lost The Bet That Zelensky Would At Least Wear A Collared Shirt Today This Is Like Spitting In Americans Faces At This Point = 1228
Apollo Solaris 
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